Dear Uterus,
Tomorrow will be one month since surro baby boy was delivered. On that day I wasn't sure if I would ever have my ideal delivery. I was having a c section I didnt want. I felt rushed to have him...
Never in my mind did I consider that that would be my last delivery, period. I knew I would be taking a small break (we had planned two years) but I was already thinking about how next time I was in that hospital we would be having our baby.
Goes to show how fast things can really change...
To a point, it gives me a new perspective, I am learning to appreciate things more, and for that I have to be grateful.
On a different side though, it makes me fearful. The doctor explained to me that at my 6 week check he will need to check and make sure they were able to completely remove my cervix. If not I would have to have another procedure done to remove it. That terrifies me. Surgery never scared me before.
I cannot imagine having to ever be put under again. I can barely even write about the idea of it. My stomach is churning and the possibility of it is so super low.
The blackness and unknowing of anesthesia sends chills down me. Last time they put me under I should have died. I never would have woke up and there are so many things left for me to do...
I really cannot express the fear I feel of ever going under again... ever.
-Michelle
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