Dear Uterus--
We always planned on expanding our family through adoption. It was one of the reasons I knew I wouldn't go completely crazy if something like this were to happen. I would just adopt two children, rather than one. It's why I still decided to be a surrogate even though I wasn't "done" with my family.
I don't know if everyone understands that I'm still okay with that. I don't hate the idea of expanding our family that way. I'm not depressed because I wasn't able to carry another child.
Yes, I would have liked to. I would have like to carry a couple more... but it's not that that really bothers me.
I don't like that I didn't get a choice. I don't like that I didn't have time to prepare. I didn't even have seconds to prepare. I didn't know until I woke up and it was already done.
If the accreta would have been found out from early on I would have had most of the pregnancy to come to terms with it.
Heck, even if the doctor had saw it at the c-section I would have minutes to process. Instead I wake up, tube down my throat, and all my plans for the next few years are forever changed.
I don't do change well.
I have spent the past few years reading the stories of intended parents, reading about their struggles with infertility, and in the end, choosing two of them to carry a baby (or two) for.
Now I'm on the other side. Now I have a story of infertility.
Now I look at IVF costs, and legal costs, and adoption costs. Now we have to weigh all of our options. Can I ask another surrogate to risk going through all that I did. Even if they are done with their family and have absolutely no regard for their uterine outcome (is that a thing?)-- I almost died. I almost left my son without a mother-- how can I ask someone else to do that?
I tell myself the chances are slim---- but they were slim for me too.
Now I try to figure out how many years it will take to be able to afford an IVF procedure and all the fees associated with a surrogate (even if she carries for free). At the bare minimum-- 2 years. More than likely 3. More on that tomorrow.....
So If I go the adoption route-- how can I accept the possible years and years of waiting. The possible letdowns when a birth mother decides to keep the baby or chooses another family?
How do you do that?
-Michelle
We always planned on expanding our family through adoption. It was one of the reasons I knew I wouldn't go completely crazy if something like this were to happen. I would just adopt two children, rather than one. It's why I still decided to be a surrogate even though I wasn't "done" with my family.
I don't know if everyone understands that I'm still okay with that. I don't hate the idea of expanding our family that way. I'm not depressed because I wasn't able to carry another child.
Yes, I would have liked to. I would have like to carry a couple more... but it's not that that really bothers me.
I don't like that I didn't get a choice. I don't like that I didn't have time to prepare. I didn't even have seconds to prepare. I didn't know until I woke up and it was already done.
If the accreta would have been found out from early on I would have had most of the pregnancy to come to terms with it.
Heck, even if the doctor had saw it at the c-section I would have minutes to process. Instead I wake up, tube down my throat, and all my plans for the next few years are forever changed.
I don't do change well.
I have spent the past few years reading the stories of intended parents, reading about their struggles with infertility, and in the end, choosing two of them to carry a baby (or two) for.
Now I'm on the other side. Now I have a story of infertility.
Now I look at IVF costs, and legal costs, and adoption costs. Now we have to weigh all of our options. Can I ask another surrogate to risk going through all that I did. Even if they are done with their family and have absolutely no regard for their uterine outcome (is that a thing?)-- I almost died. I almost left my son without a mother-- how can I ask someone else to do that?
I tell myself the chances are slim---- but they were slim for me too.
Now I try to figure out how many years it will take to be able to afford an IVF procedure and all the fees associated with a surrogate (even if she carries for free). At the bare minimum-- 2 years. More than likely 3. More on that tomorrow.....
So If I go the adoption route-- how can I accept the possible years and years of waiting. The possible letdowns when a birth mother decides to keep the baby or chooses another family?
How do you do that?
-Michelle
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