Dear Uterus,
So, it's not technically Day 9 anymore yet, but I'm not asleep yet, so it still is yesterday for me.
I didn't sleep last night. I don't mean I didn't sleep well, I mean I really didn't sleep. I also cried. I'd stood up to go to the bathroom around two in the morning and my hand touched my stomach. My flat (well... kind of..) never again rounded stomach.
I feel hollow when I look at my stomach. Even though I know the actual uterus isn't that big. I feel like there is a hole inside me. I think I can feel the emptiness.
Morning came and things were fine again. No tears.
I want a time frame. How long can I expect these random sad spells to last?
When will the first day come when I don't think about this?
Someone said, or reminded-- I'm not sure what word to use-- that I needed this. The hysterectomy saved me.
I know that. Really, I do. I'm GLAD for it. I'm GLAD to be alive and to be able to hug my son and husband. I KNOW that it was necessary. I KNOW that we will have more children... some how. I KNOW that you 'went out' on a beautiful note. Because of you four babies are alive and in this world.
The knowing doesn't stop the hurting. I'm not even sure if it eases it.
-Michelle
So, it's not technically Day 9 anymore yet, but I'm not asleep yet, so it still is yesterday for me.
I didn't sleep last night. I don't mean I didn't sleep well, I mean I really didn't sleep. I also cried. I'd stood up to go to the bathroom around two in the morning and my hand touched my stomach. My flat (well... kind of..) never again rounded stomach.
I feel hollow when I look at my stomach. Even though I know the actual uterus isn't that big. I feel like there is a hole inside me. I think I can feel the emptiness.
Morning came and things were fine again. No tears.
I want a time frame. How long can I expect these random sad spells to last?
When will the first day come when I don't think about this?
Someone said, or reminded-- I'm not sure what word to use-- that I needed this. The hysterectomy saved me.
I know that. Really, I do. I'm GLAD for it. I'm GLAD to be alive and to be able to hug my son and husband. I KNOW that it was necessary. I KNOW that we will have more children... some how. I KNOW that you 'went out' on a beautiful note. Because of you four babies are alive and in this world.
The knowing doesn't stop the hurting. I'm not even sure if it eases it.
-Michelle
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