Day 18

Dear Uterus

A bit lot of the bitterness is coming back. I had tried to put it from my mind, but then 'The One' person says something and I want to smack them.

I knew from early on there would be a few select people that I would not handle pregnancy or trying to conceive announcements from-- The One in particular. 

She says she would "just deal with it" if it happened to her. 

I would like to see that. NOT it happening, but if it did I would like to see her just carry on as if all was fine and normal. 

I don't want to feel like this-- but I do ask myself-- 'Out of the two of us-- why was it ME that had to lose her uterus?'

I  have had uncomplicated pregnancies. Everyone said I was "made for having babies". I did good things. I helped make families. I think Karma/The Powers that Be/God/Whoever is in charge got their signal crossed that day.

One day she is going to call and say she is pregnant and I won't be able to deal with it. I won't be able to smile. 

I know I've touched on this before-- but it hurts today. It hurts because it was me. It hurts because of what she says about it all (not to me directly but to others in conversation about me) IT hurts because I don't want to be bitter, but I am. I'm not a bitter person. This person, this One person, makes me bitter everytime I think about her. 

-Michelle