Dear Uterus,
I vlogged today for the first time since I made my announcement about everything.. vlogging, much like this, allows me to sit down-- to set a moment of my day away to just process emotions.
I started doing a recap and it quickly became something else.
One of the things I spoke about was something I've briefly touched on here, but want to take a minute and focus on-- to try to explain or expand in it.
To the people that don't read this, one day in June I got bored, walked into a salon and came out with blue hair.
To a lot of people, they probably think I'm making a statement, or trying to follow a new trend. Others might think I'm acting immature....
To me, it was a lot more.
The first time I cut my hair (other than trimming the dead ends) was in high school. I cut off about 8 inches, so it went from being past my tail bone to being in the middle of my back. I started parting my hair to the side, and I had a side-swept bang (you all remember those, right?) I waited another almost 5 years before my next change-- this time I chopped it off and died it black.
And then I grew it out again.
My hair has always been a big part of me.
When all of this happened, I ACHED every time I looked in the mirror. I felt so differently than I ever had, and my reflection didn't reflect that.
No one sees my hysterectomy scar. They can't see that you are no longer there. They just see me.
The problem was-- I didn't see me.
So, I made a change- a change I could see. Something that had never been part of me before. I had my hair dyed blue.
And it looks awesome-- but really-- it feels awesome.
It looks like me when I look in the mirror now.
The point in this really isn't my hair-- its that I needed to do and be and look like who I felt inside. I needed to be able to look in the mirror so I could move forward.
So the next time someone I know is struggling-- I'm going to tell them to do what makes them feel whole again-- and screw what everyone else says.
-Michelle
I vlogged today for the first time since I made my announcement about everything.. vlogging, much like this, allows me to sit down-- to set a moment of my day away to just process emotions.
I started doing a recap and it quickly became something else.
One of the things I spoke about was something I've briefly touched on here, but want to take a minute and focus on-- to try to explain or expand in it.
To the people that don't read this, one day in June I got bored, walked into a salon and came out with blue hair.
To a lot of people, they probably think I'm making a statement, or trying to follow a new trend. Others might think I'm acting immature....
To me, it was a lot more.
The first time I cut my hair (other than trimming the dead ends) was in high school. I cut off about 8 inches, so it went from being past my tail bone to being in the middle of my back. I started parting my hair to the side, and I had a side-swept bang (you all remember those, right?) I waited another almost 5 years before my next change-- this time I chopped it off and died it black.
And then I grew it out again.
My hair has always been a big part of me.
When all of this happened, I ACHED every time I looked in the mirror. I felt so differently than I ever had, and my reflection didn't reflect that.
No one sees my hysterectomy scar. They can't see that you are no longer there. They just see me.
The problem was-- I didn't see me.
So, I made a change- a change I could see. Something that had never been part of me before. I had my hair dyed blue.
And it looks awesome-- but really-- it feels awesome.
It looks like me when I look in the mirror now.
The point in this really isn't my hair-- its that I needed to do and be and look like who I felt inside. I needed to be able to look in the mirror so I could move forward.
So the next time someone I know is struggling-- I'm going to tell them to do what makes them feel whole again-- and screw what everyone else says.
-Michelle
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