Dear Uterus,
Surgery is tomorrow.
I'm scared.
I'm trying not to feel defeated or negative, but I also want to be prepared.
Tonight I filled out my Advance Health Care Directive.
This appointed an Agent, an an alternative agent, to make medical choices for me should I not be able to do so.
Logically I know that this a simple-ish procedure. Yet I find myself almost sick at the thought of going under tomorrow. The c-section was a simple procedure... the d&c was supposed to be simple.. and then it wasn't.
I'm not sure if I ever shared a part of the story. The "why" to the intubation.
My body had experienced a trauma and was still experiencing it with the DIC. The doctors made the choice to keep me sedated. While sedated I stopped breathing-- my body tried to die-- so they intubated me, and for 12 hours the only reason I was alive was because of a machine.
I never wanted to be on life support for an extended amount of time, but I never considered what my time frame would be. I clearly needed those 12 hours, and I'm alive today because of it-- but do I want 24? 7 days? A Month? Where is that line when I say "let me go"?
Today is my son's birthday. He's 4. 4 years ago this morning I delivered my first pregnancy and I never would have imagined this is where I would be 4 years later.
I ahd friends here this weekend, and it helped ease my nerves, but now as I sit in the dark of night and write this, I feel them creeping up.
I feel like I should say bye, just in case, and that's something no one should have to feel.
-Michelle
Surgery is tomorrow.
I'm scared.
I'm trying not to feel defeated or negative, but I also want to be prepared.
Tonight I filled out my Advance Health Care Directive.
This appointed an Agent, an an alternative agent, to make medical choices for me should I not be able to do so.
Logically I know that this a simple-ish procedure. Yet I find myself almost sick at the thought of going under tomorrow. The c-section was a simple procedure... the d&c was supposed to be simple.. and then it wasn't.
I'm not sure if I ever shared a part of the story. The "why" to the intubation.
My body had experienced a trauma and was still experiencing it with the DIC. The doctors made the choice to keep me sedated. While sedated I stopped breathing-- my body tried to die-- so they intubated me, and for 12 hours the only reason I was alive was because of a machine.
Today is my son's birthday. He's 4. 4 years ago this morning I delivered my first pregnancy and I never would have imagined this is where I would be 4 years later.
I ahd friends here this weekend, and it helped ease my nerves, but now as I sit in the dark of night and write this, I feel them creeping up.
I feel like I should say bye, just in case, and that's something no one should have to feel.
-Michelle
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