Dear Uterus.
Yeah I know it's been awhile.
I had my surgery on the 14th, and as usual I managed to go screw it up.
My 2 hour surgery ended up being a 4 hour one. My outpatient procedure ended up being a 48 hour stay.
I love hospitals... so, so, much.
I researched the heck out of my c-sections. I talked to people who'd had them. I was prepared for the aftermath, and I understood the procedure as well as a non-doctor can.
This one-- there isn't a lot of people openly talking about bladder prolapses and randomly leaking urine. No one told me where the best place to buy depends was or what to expect when I woke up from surgery. I researched a bit, and understood some of the stuff, but even after the doctor talked to me I was completely clueless with what was really going to happen.
They went to do a cystocele (anterior) prolapse repair. This is, to my understanding, where they reposition the bladder up ansd away from the vaginal wall, where mine had falled into. Along with it, they put in a urethral sling, a small tension sling that holds the urethra up.
This is, on average, a two hour surgery. After the anterior prolapse was repaired they discovered I also had a significant rectocele (posterior) prolapse. So they fixed this as well. This, and the fact that I decided to bleed lots again, made it into the 4 hour surgery.
Before I went in, I was sitting in the sort of waiting area for non-emergent operations. I was in my own cubicle, but not on a bed, just a recliner with a tv and naked under a hospital gown. The nurse came in to talk to me and I we spoke about the anesthesia a little bit, the process, and etc. The one thing that had been terrifying me was the idea of going under again, I mentioned that to her-- even going as far as to ask if I could have a spinal instead. She told me she would talk to the anesthesiologist. A little while later, he came in, and he looked vaguely familiar, although I couldn't really place it.
He started asking me about my concerns and as I was telling him he stopped me and said "Now, when did this happen..?" I told him June. He said-- "You were the surrogate weren't you?" "Yes...?" "I was you anesthesiologist that day."
While the procedure was being done at a different hospital, he also worked with this one as well, and he remembered me. We sat and chatted a little while. He told me his side of things, including a pirce of the puzzle I didn't find out. Apparently, he was struggling to keep me under as he normally would, whenever he would try, I would code-- so he had to use different methods. I'm not sure what they were and I didn't ask-- I was trying to process the fact that I had apparently come even closer to death than I thought-- I coded-- more than once.
HE said it sounded like I had a little PTSD after everything and told me he would make sure I had an anti-anxiety med before the anesthesia. That calmed me down a bit.
A little later he walked me down to the OR. I walked in, and climbed on the operating table myself. I laid back, and for a few seconds I was back in June, terrified and begging them not to let me die. Then they talked to me. I can't remember what it was about but it was enough to get my mind off of everything as he put whatever juice into the IV that made me pretty much okay with everything. They told me they were starting the anesthesia and I breathed in and out slowly-- waiting for the moment where I couldn't breathe on my own and could feel my chest almost being paralyzed-- and it didn't come.
I woke up later that evening (the surgery started around 3ish) and was pretty out of it the rest of the night. I was in and out of consciousness, part from my awesome inability to wake up from anesthesia like a normal person, and partly because I was low on blood and for some reason had really low blood pressure.
The pain SUCKED. It reminded me of when I tore while delivering my son. Laying in bed hurt-- and the first time I tried to stand up I almost fell over from the pain. The next time I stood up I manged to walk into the bathroom and promptly passed out on the toilet.
I went home 2 days later with a catheter that I both got to keep in for 5 days, and also take out myself. Fun stuff.
After I took out the catheter I was super excited to be able to wear underwear again, and not a depends--- and then I started leaking. The verdict is currently out on whether it failed or if I just need some time to let my bladder settle a bit-- it has been through a lot in the past few months. The leaking isn't as bad as before, but it's still pretty bum-worthy.
Yesterday I had the abdominal sutures removed from where they had the scope placed. That was pretty easy.
Now I'm on pelvic rest and light duty for 6 weeks while I heal and the stitches dissolve. This cannot come fast enough because holy COW do they itch!!
Now that I'm not constantly on pain meds I can start writing again-- what with I can now form paragraphs and... well... words.
Talk to you tomorrow,
-Michelle
Yeah I know it's been awhile.
I had my surgery on the 14th, and as usual I managed to go screw it up.
My 2 hour surgery ended up being a 4 hour one. My outpatient procedure ended up being a 48 hour stay.
I love hospitals... so, so, much.
I researched the heck out of my c-sections. I talked to people who'd had them. I was prepared for the aftermath, and I understood the procedure as well as a non-doctor can.
This one-- there isn't a lot of people openly talking about bladder prolapses and randomly leaking urine. No one told me where the best place to buy depends was or what to expect when I woke up from surgery. I researched a bit, and understood some of the stuff, but even after the doctor talked to me I was completely clueless with what was really going to happen.
They went to do a cystocele (anterior) prolapse repair. This is, to my understanding, where they reposition the bladder up ansd away from the vaginal wall, where mine had falled into. Along with it, they put in a urethral sling, a small tension sling that holds the urethra up.
This is, on average, a two hour surgery. After the anterior prolapse was repaired they discovered I also had a significant rectocele (posterior) prolapse. So they fixed this as well. This, and the fact that I decided to bleed lots again, made it into the 4 hour surgery.
Before I went in, I was sitting in the sort of waiting area for non-emergent operations. I was in my own cubicle, but not on a bed, just a recliner with a tv and naked under a hospital gown. The nurse came in to talk to me and I we spoke about the anesthesia a little bit, the process, and etc. The one thing that had been terrifying me was the idea of going under again, I mentioned that to her-- even going as far as to ask if I could have a spinal instead. She told me she would talk to the anesthesiologist. A little while later, he came in, and he looked vaguely familiar, although I couldn't really place it.
He started asking me about my concerns and as I was telling him he stopped me and said "Now, when did this happen..?" I told him June. He said-- "You were the surrogate weren't you?" "Yes...?" "I was you anesthesiologist that day."
While the procedure was being done at a different hospital, he also worked with this one as well, and he remembered me. We sat and chatted a little while. He told me his side of things, including a pirce of the puzzle I didn't find out. Apparently, he was struggling to keep me under as he normally would, whenever he would try, I would code-- so he had to use different methods. I'm not sure what they were and I didn't ask-- I was trying to process the fact that I had apparently come even closer to death than I thought-- I coded-- more than once.
HE said it sounded like I had a little PTSD after everything and told me he would make sure I had an anti-anxiety med before the anesthesia. That calmed me down a bit.
A little later he walked me down to the OR. I walked in, and climbed on the operating table myself. I laid back, and for a few seconds I was back in June, terrified and begging them not to let me die. Then they talked to me. I can't remember what it was about but it was enough to get my mind off of everything as he put whatever juice into the IV that made me pretty much okay with everything. They told me they were starting the anesthesia and I breathed in and out slowly-- waiting for the moment where I couldn't breathe on my own and could feel my chest almost being paralyzed-- and it didn't come.
I woke up later that evening (the surgery started around 3ish) and was pretty out of it the rest of the night. I was in and out of consciousness, part from my awesome inability to wake up from anesthesia like a normal person, and partly because I was low on blood and for some reason had really low blood pressure.
The pain SUCKED. It reminded me of when I tore while delivering my son. Laying in bed hurt-- and the first time I tried to stand up I almost fell over from the pain. The next time I stood up I manged to walk into the bathroom and promptly passed out on the toilet.
I went home 2 days later with a catheter that I both got to keep in for 5 days, and also take out myself. Fun stuff.
After I took out the catheter I was super excited to be able to wear underwear again, and not a depends--- and then I started leaking. The verdict is currently out on whether it failed or if I just need some time to let my bladder settle a bit-- it has been through a lot in the past few months. The leaking isn't as bad as before, but it's still pretty bum-worthy.
Yesterday I had the abdominal sutures removed from where they had the scope placed. That was pretty easy.
Now I'm on pelvic rest and light duty for 6 weeks while I heal and the stitches dissolve. This cannot come fast enough because holy COW do they itch!!
Now that I'm not constantly on pain meds I can start writing again-- what with I can now form paragraphs and... well... words.
Talk to you tomorrow,
-Michelle
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