Dear Uterus,
Today has been a hard today. Probably the hardest that I've had in awhile.
When I joined the surrogate community almost 4 years ago (holy crap!) people didn't really talk about the bad stuff within the community. I think because it felt as if we were fighting the media. Every tv show we watched, every surrogacy-relateed news article that aired-- it all seemed negative. So, in some way as an act of balance, we only shared the good. It was a lot of good.
As a person entering that world I loved seeing the stories of hope and family and love. It was beautiful to the point of tears. I couldn't wait to have a story like that of my own. Now, almost 4 years later, I have two stories like that.
When I almost lost my life in June, I suddenly saw a different side. This side wasn't what the media portrayed it-- I wasn't a crazy woman trying to keep a baby. The parents hadn't left me with a child that wasn't mine. Instead, I was faced with the reality that a choice I made could be the end of me.
When a woman chooses to become pregnant, she makes the choice to bring a child into the world. She accepts the risks. She knows that the outcome in worth it-- a baby in her arms at the end of nine (let's face it, ten) months.
When a woman decides to become a surrogate, she makes the choice to bring someone Else's child into the world. She makes the choice to complete, or grow another person's family. I made that choice. I can name more than twenty women who I consider my friend that have also made that choice. I could point you in the direction of thousands of others.
At some point, in the last year or so, a woman made the choice to be a surrogate (again). She ended up carrying twins. Today, on what should have been an exciting day, she died of complications related to pregnancy.
I didn't know her. You probably didn't know her. Someone did. A lot of people did. She left a family, children... people that were counting on her.
Today was a hard day. My heart aches for her family in a way I don't think it would have before this. I would have been sad, I would have thought about her, and then I would have continued on my day. Now it's different. I can't look at death the same way. Four months ago it was my family that was worried, my friends that were messaging like I assume hers were. By some crazy stroke of luck, I survived when even the doctors didn't think I would... and she didn't-- and that sucks.
-Michelle
Today has been a hard today. Probably the hardest that I've had in awhile.
When I joined the surrogate community almost 4 years ago (holy crap!) people didn't really talk about the bad stuff within the community. I think because it felt as if we were fighting the media. Every tv show we watched, every surrogacy-relateed news article that aired-- it all seemed negative. So, in some way as an act of balance, we only shared the good. It was a lot of good.
As a person entering that world I loved seeing the stories of hope and family and love. It was beautiful to the point of tears. I couldn't wait to have a story like that of my own. Now, almost 4 years later, I have two stories like that.
When I almost lost my life in June, I suddenly saw a different side. This side wasn't what the media portrayed it-- I wasn't a crazy woman trying to keep a baby. The parents hadn't left me with a child that wasn't mine. Instead, I was faced with the reality that a choice I made could be the end of me.
When a woman chooses to become pregnant, she makes the choice to bring a child into the world. She accepts the risks. She knows that the outcome in worth it-- a baby in her arms at the end of nine (let's face it, ten) months.
When a woman decides to become a surrogate, she makes the choice to bring someone Else's child into the world. She makes the choice to complete, or grow another person's family. I made that choice. I can name more than twenty women who I consider my friend that have also made that choice. I could point you in the direction of thousands of others.At some point, in the last year or so, a woman made the choice to be a surrogate (again). She ended up carrying twins. Today, on what should have been an exciting day, she died of complications related to pregnancy.
I didn't know her. You probably didn't know her. Someone did. A lot of people did. She left a family, children... people that were counting on her.
Today was a hard day. My heart aches for her family in a way I don't think it would have before this. I would have been sad, I would have thought about her, and then I would have continued on my day. Now it's different. I can't look at death the same way. Four months ago it was my family that was worried, my friends that were messaging like I assume hers were. By some crazy stroke of luck, I survived when even the doctors didn't think I would... and she didn't-- and that sucks.
-Michelle
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