Nov. 4th-17th; Days 152-165

Dear Uterus,

I haven't felt the need to write in here for  two weeks.

The last few days I was starting to feel the urge and then life caught up with me.

I have piles of homework every week for college. I am looking and applying daily for jobs. I am working on craft orders. I'm being a mom. I'm also still healing.

In 5 month's I've had 3 fairly major surgeries.

I think I forget that my body is probably over it right now.

The latest surgery didn't work. Things are slightly better than before, but not by an amazing amount. I cannot describe how sucky that makes me feel. I still experience pain from the surgery and it's not like everything is all better so the pain is worth it.

I'm not sure what my next step will be. I won't let myself think that this is just my new reality. Still, financially we're stretched thin and I don't think I can afford any more surgeries or procedures in the near future.

In the past few days something has occurred to me. I don't feel like it's November, Mentally I'm still stuck in June.

I've went on a vacation, switched colleges, managed to get on the deans list, and I really have no idea how because I'm pretty sure I just coasted through all of it.

The last 5 and a half months were stolen from me.

Tonight in the shower I broke down crying and I had no idea why.

I got out, dried off and deactivated my Facebook.

I need a break from the babies and the pregnancy tests, but more than that I need a break from the people WHO DON'T GET IT.  I need a break from the people who are arguing over the most tricial of things and the only thing I can think of is: "Get over it, tomorrow it could end."

I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad way to think about things, but there it is.




I need a break from people complaining about being pregnant, and honestly, I need a break from Surrogacy.

Because right now my rose-colored glasses are off and I'm afraid I won't keep my mouth shut.

Hugs and Love.

Goodnight.