Dear Uterus,
When this first happened, I wrote my first entry because everyone was asking about it. Everyone wanted to know and that was the easiet way possible.
I continued because it turned to a type of therapy for me. I wrote every day, religiously. It was like my personal therapist-- and I didn't have to pay $80.00 an hour.
Now that three and a half months have passed, I write about every other day. I don't need my therapy every day. I have days when it doesn't cross my mind. Full, whole days where I don't even think about it.
I still am a part of the surrogacy community, even though I've considered multiple times leaving all the groups because I feel out of place. Then something happens and reminds me why I stay.
On more than one occasion, honestly-- probably more than ten, someone brings me into a conversation.
Usually there is a woman, struggling with the same thing I struggled with. They tell you to be done with having all of your kids before pursuing surrogacy. They think they can handle it, they think everything will be fine, they don't get the risks. There are some on there that are judging them, thinking they are fools. Then, there's me. I was them. I was them in 2011 when I started looking into it. I was them in 2012 when I transferred the twins. I was them in 2013 and 2014, and 2015. For five days in 2015 I was planning my next pregnancy. I was planning the one after that too.
Then, in one day.. that was all gone.
Every time I tell them my abridged story, I hope that it at least makes them pause-- makes them consider their feelings.
Today as I was writing-- I realized there was something else I wanted to add.
That choice doesn't just affect your ability to carry. It effects your family. It effects the Parents you carried for.
So-- I keep writing.
-Michelle
When this first happened, I wrote my first entry because everyone was asking about it. Everyone wanted to know and that was the easiet way possible.
I continued because it turned to a type of therapy for me. I wrote every day, religiously. It was like my personal therapist-- and I didn't have to pay $80.00 an hour.
Now that three and a half months have passed, I write about every other day. I don't need my therapy every day. I have days when it doesn't cross my mind. Full, whole days where I don't even think about it.
I still am a part of the surrogacy community, even though I've considered multiple times leaving all the groups because I feel out of place. Then something happens and reminds me why I stay. On more than one occasion, honestly-- probably more than ten, someone brings me into a conversation.
Usually there is a woman, struggling with the same thing I struggled with. They tell you to be done with having all of your kids before pursuing surrogacy. They think they can handle it, they think everything will be fine, they don't get the risks. There are some on there that are judging them, thinking they are fools. Then, there's me. I was them. I was them in 2011 when I started looking into it. I was them in 2012 when I transferred the twins. I was them in 2013 and 2014, and 2015. For five days in 2015 I was planning my next pregnancy. I was planning the one after that too.
Then, in one day.. that was all gone.
Every time I tell them my abridged story, I hope that it at least makes them pause-- makes them consider their feelings.
Today as I was writing-- I realized there was something else I wanted to add.
That choice doesn't just affect your ability to carry. It effects your family. It effects the Parents you carried for.
So-- I keep writing.
-Michelle
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