6 Things to NEVER Say to Someone Who Can't Have Kids

Number 1: "There are worst things that could happen."

There are. I lost my uterus. I could have lost my uterus and my life. I could have lost my uterus while skydiving, landing on on someone's campfire and getting 1st degree burns... it could be worse. I know that. However, right then, in that moment-- it feels pretty damn crappy.







Number 2: "Trust me, having more then one isn't all it's cracked up to be."

Or just a plain "having kids isn't that great." Says the person who has 2, 3, 4, or 5 kids. You had a choice. When I become a millionaire I'll make sure to tell you having buckets of cash isn't really that great.





Number 3: "Clearly God has another plan for you."

I'm sure you don't mean to be insensitive, but what your just told me is: "God doesn't want you to have children/ any more children. He doesn't care what you want. He thinks you should feel void and alone for ever."

Just lost your job? Have no idea how you're going to pay your mortgage? Clearly, God has another plan for you.



Number 4: "Well, at least you already have one child."

Having a child doesn't take away the pain away when you find out you can't have more. It doesn't mean that that child is loved or valued any less. There is a lot of emotions that come into play-- a lot of things you have to accept. The choice was taken from you and you have to re-envision the life you planned.

Number 5: "I know how you feel, I..."

Unless that sentence ends with, "can't conceive" or "lost my uterus", stop right there. Just stop. Would you go up to an amputee and say, "I know how you feel, I lost a hat once..."?



Number 6: "You should just adopt." OR "Well, use a surrogate."

The last time you conceived, was your ability to procreate based solely on the your bank account?
Surrogacy can cost upwards of $100,000 dollars. Adoption can be both financially and emotionally expensive. There is no "just" in either of those scenarios.

You want a new car? Well, just go get one.

263 Days

Dear Uterus,

It's been awhile since I've written-- 3 months in fact. 

I stopped writing because I was doing a little better. The things that I experienced were still painful, but they didn't consume me like they once had. 

Occasionally I'd think about writing something, but something else always came up and it just didn't happen.

So, let's do a quick recap. 

I had the hysterectomy on 06/06/2015.

5 Weeks later, I woke up and realized I was "leaking"

By the next day I realized it was Urine. (bleh!)

I went to two OBs and a Urologist. 

They decided I was incontinent and we had surgery to fix a bladder prolapse. (My bladder was falling into places it shouldn't be.)

Because I have amazing luck, my outpatient surgery on October 14th, 2015 turned into a 2 day hospital stay. A week later I took my catheter out and discovered that I was still "incontinent".

No one wants to be incontinent, but at 25, and after everything I had been through-- that was depressing. 

On February 2nd of 2016, I finally was able to see the Urologist again. I told him all my thoughts and he decided to perform a test to see if I had a fistula (a hole that forms between two things that shouldn't be there). The test was NOT COMFORTABLE. At first he didn't see anything and just when he was about to think of another test, the scope spotted what I knew was there all along.

I did have a fistula-- caused by yet another error from the OB who missed the holes in my uterus. 

On February 3rd I went in for a semi-emergent surgery. When I awoke they informed me I'd be staying a little longer because they had to go in through my abdomen to reach the issue.

I went home two days later with a new scar in place of the one from the hysterectomy, and a 14-day catheter. 

2 weeks later I took that sucker out--- and no more urine.

For the first time in 7 months I did not have to wear a diaper. Something that no 25 year old person should ever say. 

I'm still sore-- obviously-- but I feel better. I feel like finally, almost NINE months after my hysterectomy-- I'm done with it all.... or at least the physical side of things.

Today I spoke to another lawyer. 

I wanted a second opinion-- I wanted validation that I was choosing the right thing to let it go (legally, at least). Again I was told that I had a winning case. I was injured. The doctor did wrong. It was horrible. Again I was told that I fell into a gap. I didn't sustain anything so traumatic as to make me not walk or be unable to work, so I wouldn't even make back the money I spent winning the case--- by winning the case.

So-- physically, and legally I'm moving on. 

Emotionally-- it still stings. It's very much like a sunburn. It doesn't hurt me all the time, but occasionally something brushes against it and reminds me that it's there.

I need emotional aloe-vera. 

Love, Michelle